The eternal quest of a lost child.

Water, water everywhere and not a drop to drink.
~S. T. Coleridge


I was listening to a rock station on the radio and they were airing a local church sermon.  Normally I phase talk radio out when I am cleaning my room, but something he said caught my attention.  He was talking about PURPOSE.  I thought, how appropriate. 

He was sharing how in his youth, he turned to drugs, sex, etc etc and was a wayward student always getting into trouble.  As he grew up he struggled with not having direction,  not having a reason to get up in the morning.  He could turn to those comforts that could comfort only temporarily, drinking, getting a new job, changing external things.  but that those comforts would not last.  Just as drinking sea water, you would just get thirstier and thirstier.   Only through God could we have "Living Water".   His living water is the only thing capable of quenching our thirst and providing purpose to our lives. 

This sounds hokey, but I did some positive imagery where I pictured pure living water flooding through my body and starting a healing process.   Focusing on myself, and constantly searching for something that will quench my thirst and fill my void, it will never happen.  Perhaps that is why I keep falling short, time and time again.  And this is God showing me I can't do this on my own. 

I am so bored with this life I am living.  Do you ever ask yourself, "WHY Me?"  That was a question I'd ask in silence almost every day growing up.  Lately, it's come back and being this old and asking that question just seems  pretty pathetic I guess. 

Why of all people did I have to be afflicted with this.  Life is not fair!  Excuse my pouting session, but this is safer and cleaner than me getting drunk or getting high or anything like that.  The weather is turning bad again, so I can't even go outside for a walk to shake this funk.

I tried hard and had good intentions of reaching out to other people but I am not sure if I am cut out for having friends.  Why does it seem like nobody cares to be a true friend?   I feel friendless.  I am reminded of "Bridget Jone's Diary" where the Darby character says he likes Bridget just the way she is.  That would be so nice if someone would accept me "Just the way I am".